A concept of faith that I’ve applied to my life and relationships 

The Sure! Why not? Concept of faith is defined as when someone presents you with an idea you say Sure! Why not? and listen. If they ask you for feedback you are only allowed to provide positive points of view. That doesn’t mean that later you can’t offer things to look out for or tips for success. Its based on the fact that when someone is sharing something with you for the first time you allow them that initial glow that comes with the excitement of a new idea or dream.

You should start your own business. Sure! Why not?

When we married I was 18 and Chris was 25. We instantly had 2 sons and I got pregnant with our first daughter. By the time I was 19 we were a family of 5. That came with its own challenges but the first one was survival. You know making all the money to pay for needs. Chris was a trim carpenter. He worked for a very kind man who unfortunately died of cancer shortly after we had our first child. This was hard on Chris and he tried working for other companies but it didn’t work out.

With that Moxy that is overflowing with teenagers cause at the time I still was one. I said why don’t you start your own trim carpentry business?  He laughed and said sarcastically, Sure! Why Not? If you can find me builders and figure all the legalities out I’ll do it. 

It took me a week to do the legalities. And 2 weeks to find work. Which was hard because back then there wasn’t internet, email or website. But I did it and he worked his ass off for sometimes as low as $0.25 a square foot. But it was a start and we built that business up together. It was so successful it afforded us to be able to buy cars, work vehicles, trailers, and even two homes. We worked hard and learned a lot of lessons in that first decade of marriage. But the most important lesson was the value of doing something together and earning the confidence that comes with having a life partner at home and at work that is in it as much as you. This has saw us through almost 25 years of marriage.

As a mother of 4 by the time I was 21 I have the concept of learning trial by fire down to an art. In fact, it’s a toxic terrible habit and through the years I have learned that I have lived in so much chaos it is where I find comfort because I’ve known challenge more than peace. The toxic part being I will self-sabotage my own peace. What a terrible habit to do to oneself. 

Here are some ways I’ve tried to redirect this terrible toxic trait.

1. Before I do anything to drastic or pull the trigger on a new idea, I sit with it at least overnight if not longer. As a youth I was very impulsive and would do whatever and face the consequences later. 
2. I talk to my spouse or a trusted companion like my mother. By talking it out I can hear some outside input and move through the pros and cons
3. I don’t talk to more than two people about my idea. This makes me be thoughtful in who I do speak to while also protecting myself from negative energy, gossip, and thoughts 

What is your go to hacks to calm your impulsive ideas, so you don’t give into the temptation of paying the dues later?

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My oldest daughter is on the cusp of launching. She got her bachelor’s degree in graphic design and was able to get a job 3 weeks after graduation. I’m beyond proud and impressed. After making the dean’s list every semester and then locking down a job in her field within a month of graduation she has exceeded what the statistics report on recent college graduates. And I’m happy. I’m happy that she has worked so hard and is on the cusp of having her own place and being an adult. Something she herself desires. 

But there are naysayers that are looking at me like I’m cruel. 

“How can you be happy she’s leaving? She’s your child!”

“How can you be so excited? You lose your child!”

I didn’t know there was an expiration date on being a mother. I don’t know what kind of relationship they have with their kids, but me and this girl are solid. In fact, when she didn’t live with me and was in dorms, she called me all the time. I knew more about her life then than I do sharing a roof with her. Because at the end of the day we don’t retire from being parents. If you do it right, you get to evolve into having a best friend you just happened to create.

What say you are you an empty nester what tips do you have for me?

Recently I received a bad review on Google. I’ve been a builder for six years and one of my biggest fears has been the dreaded bad review that is inevitable when you work with the public because people are flawed. I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. 

Something I’ve learned from therapy and countless self-help books and podcasts is “It’s none of my business what other people think of me.”

The timing of the bad review was sort of poetic as well. I want you to imagine it. I’ve recently been attacked by two dogs while going to look at a renovation job. I feel like I’ve been in a car wreck. I’m not sleeping well and I’m still recovering. While I’m lying in bed scrolling on social media to distract myself from the pain and tiredness of my body I get a notification. Someone whose name I’d already forgotten left me a bad review on Google.

She basically was offended by how I dressed, how I wore makeup, how my husband was with me, and he was the real builder, how I didn’t have any idea about how to build because I was too expensive and what my quote was could do a whole house. Then the end was when she said I never gave her an estimate for the window replacement, and I thought I must be better than her. 

After reading it a couple times I just started laughing, because it was hilarious, when you consider I thought I was going to be mauled or dead a few days ago. In the bigger picture it really was a small thing. And when I slept on it and read it again it’s a classic projection of her own insecurities and didn’t have anything to do with me. I did respond to it in a professional but authentic way. 

Since then, I’ve shared it with my husband, and we’ve had the attitude of what pertains to us and how can we learn from this apply to our business to do better. Really a bad review is an opportunity to be better. History has taught us if you are surrounded by yes men and no one who is authentic and honest you basically are securing your own downfall. 

Something I have learned in my over 40 years of life is that family and friends are not always with you. They don’t always leave in anger or betrayal. Sometimes they quietly just slip away as your season and common bonds change. Life changes such as divorce, career, health, living situations, religion, empty nesters vs people who have kids at home, something as simple as your kid who always played baseball suddenly only wants to do karate can be the catalyst of your friend group suddenly leaving. 

But just because your interaction changes doesn’t mean that the love doesn’t remain. I have a friend that I loved dearly for 15 years. We no longer are in contact and that’s ok. However, through the course of our connection there were some things that she taught me that when I do them, I think of our history and smile. Here are wonderful things that I learned from someone that I used to know. 

1. You can be pretty and do yard work. I’d never met someone who would do her hair, put on makeup and a dress and go weed her garden. Thanks to her if I feel like it, I wear a dress on a jobsite or to weed the garden. 
2. Fluff the wreathes and the Christmas trees. Don’t just take them out of storage and call it a day. 
3. Dead head the flowers of your plants. If you do this, you keep nutrients from going to things that are dead and allow the flower to be healthy and have more blooms. 
4. There is value in taking your time to do things. I used to be someone who moved, unpacked and threw the photos on the wall. She was someone who took her time and moved things around. Every time I left her house; I wanted to invest in having a better place. 

While we no longer talk, I don’t wish her bad. Just because were no longer in the same circle doesn’t mean I ain’t rooting for you. 

Moving quietly and not sharing all your doing can be a cathartic experience. The first time I ever did this I wrote my first book. A novel called Glazier. Once published by a small publishing house out of Georgia called Astrea Press. It has since closed and I have my book rights back. It was going to be the stepping stone to my multimillion dollar writing career. That did not happen but it was an amazing experience. The opportunity I learned from that experience was that I can make moves quietly, only sharing my creations with a chosen supportive few confidants. This can be extremely rewarding emotionally as well as energetically.  And goes completely against our post immediately on social media play by play updates of your daily life. Think of it like pulling the arrow back on a bow. When you finally let go and launch your project all that momentum propels you and it forward.

With the social media world, we live in and many people using their lives as part of their art and business waiting to post something can have a fomo (fear of missing out) reverse effect. What I mean is you’re scared someone will miss seeing what you’ve done. And you fear that you’ll miss an opportunity to be seen.

But the beauty of social media is we control our narrative and when and if we share. So take the time to be present in the moment when you are doing something. The beauty that I found of having a present mindset is that you connect more fully with those around you and can have the value of the experience. Now I’m not saying don’t take the time to take photos and videos. Especially if you are planning on using it on social media later. But do just enough to get what you need then put away your camera. Being present means having your eyes and attention forward and not on the other side of a lens or screen.  

When was the last time you were present? How was it?