love – Bri Clark

Abundant Living vs Minimalist Mentality: How to do both?

“There is enough, and all my needs are met and will be met.” Is literally the greatest lesson I’ve had to learn in this life. It’s an ongoing active muscle I have to constantly exercise. It always shows up in my life in some form or another. From a tithing promise in organized religion to my greatest fear in therapy to a life lesson from a psychic reading from my guides, this theme keeps coming up.

To be honest I’m not surprised since I am a child of poverty. Growing up with a single teen mother who had her own generational trauma to overcome, it is a reasonable response to develop. But then I also had a mom who made shit happen. All our needs were met, maybe not as expected but we’re met. And it taught me how to be fucking creative at problem solving. Like coffee filters can be toilet paper and paper towels in a pinch. Then if you take into account the sum total of all the environmental trauma I’ve experienced it’s a wander I’m still alive and semi sane. One house fire, three tornadoes, two floods, two hurricanes, two ice storms and two financial collapses there seems to be a common lesson here.

It also seemed to be a principle I wasn’t perhaps learning. Which might be why I kept undergoing similar experiences with different details but the same feelings.

What was the lesson?

“There is enough, and all my needs are met and will be met.”

If that’s the lesson that I need to learn.

If that’s something more than what if I applied this idea like the law of gravity. In religion they say faith fuels blessings.

What if I believed in this like a principle? In spirituality they say that manifesting starts with stating as if it’s already happened and believing it to be.

What if I declared it daily? How would my life change? How would it influence my choices?

Well I’d start having more experiences. I’d start using the resources I had like credit cards and rewards points to do the shit I want to do. I’d have more courage to take risks in my business. I’d be more giving and charitable to those in need. Because it’s just money and I can always make more. Trying to rewire my brain from over forty years of programing is a hard but doable concept. I want to be very clear this is an active lesson I am trying to learn. I am not an expert. I’m just in the thick of it. And I have some hacks that I have found that are working.

1. I say affirmations to myself in the mirror. “ Money and resources flow freely and easily to me and my husband Chris.”

2. I dream big.

3. I don’t make choices based on past Bri. Like you don’t want to make the same mistake you did in 2008. These are fear based thinking practices and aint’ nobody got time for that.”

4. No decisions based on fear. If I’m afraid I just sit still and do or say nothing until I can process it.

5. Take time to think before I do anything.

6. Daily gratitude.

7. I consume uplifting and educational content from social media to music to movies.

8. No news.

9. No drama.

10. I will pay for experiences but not the acquisition of stuff to keep up with the jones.

11. I live a minimalist lifestyle and I’ve defined what that means for me.

What tips do you have for no longer living in financial fear?

Momguilt is like a disease without a vaccine so I’ve decided to make my own

Guilt is the cockroach of a woman’s emotions. Never fully dying or eradicated. I am a woman, so I speak from that point of view. It doesn’t matter what season I’m in, how successful I am, or how much I struggle. I feel guilt like the sticky film left on my skin after working in the humidity of a southern summer afternoon.

There’s a song lyric I hear all the time and it says, “I got a therapist, I’m so mature.” Well I do that. I go to therapy. But not because I’m mature but because I’m desperate and exhausted. Guess what guilt doesn’t go away in therapy either. It’s there. Like the vermin it is.

I’m killing it at work. I feel empowered and successful. Guilt. I’m reminded of all the things I’ve let slide in my personal relationships.

I’m killing it at home. Date nights weekly. I’m texting with my kids. Their needs are met. I’ve meal planned. Guilt. I haven’t done the estimate from Timmy or Sue.

Let’s say I do balance it one week with work and family and I have a moment of peace in the overactive mind I love and hate then guess what. Guilt. I haven’t written a book or a blog in years. I used to have dreams of being a successful author. Hell, I used to be an author. What am I now?

I could go on and on. And if you’ve ever been here thank you for sticking around so I don’t feel alone in my delusional melancholy.

How do I fix it?

I don’t think it’s a fixable issue. I think it’s more of a managed one. Kind of like a mental autoimmune disorder. Here’s where I’m at. When guilt kicks up, I have a personal mantra I tell myself over and over until the vice like grip on my chest eases.

Then I say it four more times as an added measure to try and calm my subconscious mind. If you want to borrow it here it is…

“I am enough. Have done enough. And every breath I take and step I make is enough.”

Then I have a notes app on my phone where I have 10 things, I am grateful for listed and I read them to myself or out loud. You can borrow it too or make your own.

1. I woke up.

2. I have a nice bed to sleep in.

3. I have one more day on this earth.

4. I have running water.

5. I have electricity.

6. I have a mother that loves me.

7. I have a roof over my head.

8. I have safety while I sleep.

9. I have clothes.

10. I have made it through everything successfully and I will this too.

I believe there is value in all that I do and while I may seem that I have it all together I do not. But one thing I do have is a perseverance that is stronger than any challenge I have ever faced. And that is something that I cling to. What are your coping strategies for when the guilt hits you?

Learning to listen to my own needs: Releasing Mom/Wife Guilt

Last night I went to bed when I first started to feel sleepy. One of the privileges of being a person with grown children is the opportunity I must make time for my own health and wellness. One of those is learning to listen to my own bodies needs and wants. As a parent and wife, I’ve spent most of my life suppressing what I needed and wanted. I was taught by mentors, media, religion and society that to serve was not only necessary but was natural for a wife and mother. We are the nurturers.

I’m here to say it’s rubbish.

Living these kinds of principles have hurt my wellbeing and my relationships in ways I’m just now unraveling. Which brings me to going to bed early. Right when I felt tired. Was rewiring my brain to go against this programing.

Here’s the scene. I’ve been going since 3AM. I have more than accomplished so many of my tasks. I’ve had dinner with my husband. We’ve watched 2 30 min episodes of a favorite show. I make it a point to minimize screen time, so I don’t snack as is a bad habit I have when watching TV.

I put the dogs to bed and refilled my water. Then I begin to head upstairs. The hubs go, “Are you going to bed?” I say yeah. He makes a sarcastic sound. And I immediately feel my body flush with guilt followed quickly by a bone deep tiredness from the mental load I have carried through the day.

I take a deep breath and ask. “Did you need something?” He says no and good night. I go upstairs and start a nightly reset. PJs, brush my teeth, shut the blinds and curtains, turn on the lamp on his side of the bed, stretch, take meds, scroll for a little while, then read until I’m tired. Then I go to sleep.

While I did get woke up once I had a pretty restful night. I got up at 3AM today with enthusiasm and excitement for the day.

I think a lot of that has to do with learning to listen to my body and mind but also doing what I feel is needed. Maybe if I’d learned to do this sooner, I could have taught my kids and who knows I could have been more in tune with what their needs were as a mom and delivered that service even better. But with age comes grace with me and others.

What’s your nightly shut down routine?