Tag: Midlife Parenting

Pretty Sure My Kids Hate Me

Most days I wake up thinking most of my children don’t love me. What’s worse is it’s my fault. I was the one who taught them how to operate and function in relationships. This purgatory is one of my own makings. What’s worse is 2 of the 4 kids I didn’t get the chance to bare. They are my adopted stepsons whom I raised from 6 and 3. As I raised them I always imagined that they would appreciate me one day. One day we’d be friends and be close when they had mates. One day when they had kids. One day when they moved out. 

They are all adults and one day hasn’t happened. But again, it’s my own mess I made. The only child I have that sees me is my youngest. She is in her 20s and has been a witness to her parents aging and health problems. I had a couple near death experiences she was witness to. Perhaps this has made her realize the humanity that I carry. 

I’ve read many books and blogs on the subject. A common denominator is the boy mom burden. It would seem the wife’s family takes priority in many things. From holidays even Mother’s days to weekend visits. It’s something I’ve seen in my own life.

But that isn’t the wife’s fault. She is cultivating her own relationships and already mentally carries a lot. She shouldn’t be blamed from the lack is connection between her husband and his family. 

So here I am at the impasse that is my burden. Destined to continue in the purgatory of my own making. Loving a daughter and two sons who only see me as an entitled resource. Until the day I pass and then maybe they will realize how important I really was. But then there is no joy even then. Because I’ll be gone but still watching and there is no joy in seeing your kids suffer. Which is why I find myself in this purgatory. 

Do you have any suggestions? Because so far talking to them hasn’t helped? If you are a mom with a good relationship with your kids any advice is appreciated. Thanks 

Mel Robbins’ Letting Go: A Parenting Journey

Once I watched a video of Mel Robins discussing her Letting Go theory. For a while I was applying it to my life consistently. Then I went back to my old patterns of thinking. Not completely but some ways. Yet, I didn’t realize it until recently. I watched the whole podcast episode by Mel. I understood that I had been applying it for months to my son’s and new daughter’s wedding and reception. It’s only now upon listening to the whole thing that I realize the rewards of this application. 

Before any of my children were old enough to marry, my husband and I made a decision. We would gift our children and their new spouse with a lump sum of money. The only caveat was that we both needed an invitation to the wedding. We would only gift this once in their lives for a wedding. After seeing so many skits on Tiktok of overbearing parents I was very aware of how damaging that could be. We did not want to be those kinds of inlaws.

The opportunity to put my money where my mouth is came up, as life usually does. Our son and future daughter-in-law got engaged. We gave them our congrats and a check. They found a venue. They saw an opportunity in the schedule and decided to plan a wedding and reception in around 90 days. As a parent, I instantly had reservations. I thought of all the challenges. I also considered the stress they would face in this time crunch. But it wasn’t my job to say anything. I “let them” plan and continue. This came up many times. And I tried often to keep my mouth shut or offer feedback where they make their own decisions. I’m not sure what grade they would give me. The overall consequences of “letting them” do what they wanted were surprising. They did it in a completely different way than I would have. It was wonderful. The wedding and reception were a work of art made exactly for the bride and groom. And what’s even better, we didn’t fight or bicker. We were never uninvited as so many other parents have been, I saw in my Tiktok fyp. 

The Let Them Theory is a book I’m very much eager to read on Christmas Eve when it releases. Which is tomorrow. What books are you looking ahead to reading in the coming year?